Newsletter & Family Devotion

5 Simple Ways for Helping Kids with Their Emotions

By Katie Kenney Phillips

Helping kids with their emotions can seem like a daunting task for many parents. I get it.

Between having five kids and raising two of them from trauma out of foster care, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen almost every emotion under the sun. There’s not much that shocks me anymore because I’ve nearly witnessed it all – highs, lows, grumpiness, anger, silliness, fear, shame, joy. And because human behavior resulting from big feelings doesn’t necessarily tell the whole story (shout out to all the hangry people right now!), I’ve learned that it’s important to be curious about our kids’ feelings – and even our own – if we are to better interact with each other.

Given the stress and strain of the last several years of a pandemic, virtual learning, social and political unrest, it’s probably not a surprise that most kids are experiencing elevated levels of anxiety and stress. But thankfully, people are now more open to discuss mental health struggles when it comes to themselves and their children.

The time is now to help our kids understand their emotions and for us to be able to openly talk to them about their feelings, fears, and anxieties. And when they become well-versed in understanding their emotions, studies are finding there are long term benefits such as having better mental health, stress management skills, conflict resolution skills, more responsibility, and resiliency.

But where to begin?

5 Simple Ways for Helping Kids with Their Emotions

1. Help them stop and think about their feelings.

Doesn’t it sometimes seem like kids operate on 3 settings: happy, angry, and unconscious? But kids feel alllllll the emotions, and when they’re little, they don’t often know the difference between being tired and mad, nervous and angry, ashamed and upset, frustrated and furious. If we’re honest, we sometimes don’t know the difference when we’re feeling similarly!

I know I’ve had so many moments when a child has been melting down and it’s been helpful to verbalize, “Hey, you sound upset and angry.” Or “You sound scared right now.” Or “Let’s take a deep breath because you sound so excited your words are rushing together.” Putting words to what must seem like a flurry of yelling, crying, stomping, or fussing helps kids put a name on the mysterious thing going on inside their bodies.

2. Help kids become curious about what they are feeling.

When we ask our kids to stop and think about what emotion they are feeling, it’s a good opportunity for them to become curious about what led them there. I’m always asking my kids to be a detective, whether it’s with finding something they’re looking for or looking for clues as to why they are angry, upset, sad, etc. When a child realizes they can pinpoint the moment leading to their emotion, it may not change the feeling (mad/sad/jealous), but it will give them the emotional intelligence to say, “I started feeling upset when my friend said they wouldn’t play with me any more today. It made me feel sad.” Or “My teacher thought I broke a toy at school today, but I didn’t. I feel upset that she didn’t believe me.”

Stretching that emotional intelligence muscle will help them as they mature and start them on the path to becoming a lifelong learner of their own – and others – emotions and behavior.

3. Helping kids with their emotions includes validating their feelings.

It doesn’t do anyone any good to tell someone to stop feeling what they’re feeling. Or to tell them what they should be feeling. For example, how many of you have successfully calmed down when someone told you to calm down? Doesn’t it make you furious?

It’s important when kids are having big feelings to validate them. Acknowledge the fact that you understand why they are upset or sad or frustrated. Starting by validating their feelings can help them feel understood, even if the next step is helping them figure out what to do about it. It goes a long way to tell an embarrassed child, “I totally get why you felt embarrassed being asked to speak in front of your class. I often feel like that when I have to talk to people at work. It makes my cheeks and ears hot, and my stomach feels nervous. Let me tell you what I do when that happens to me.” Or “I understand why you’re crying and sad about not getting to watch TV anymore today. I get that feeling. I love TV, too!”

4. Help them take their feelings to God.

Ultimately, we want our kids to know that God made them, and He loves every bit of them – including the big and the small feelings! It’s a great opportunity to point our kids to Jesus and say, “let’s ask God to help you when you feel sad. He’s always with you and wants you to know He’s here for you when you’re sad or happy or anything in between.”

We can also help guide kids to take their joy, happiness, gratitude, contentment, etc. to God as a way to praise Him. “Let’s thank God for this happy day!” Whatever they are feeling, God wants to know about it and loves them no matter what emotion they are experiencing. Let them know they can TRUST JESUS with everything. Romans 8:28

5. Help understand our own feelings as parents and as we parent.

As we help our kids name their feelings, become curious about where they originated, validate them, and help guide them to God, it can also help us. What were we feeling when we flew off the handle just now? What might’ve triggered that response? Are we reacting out in anger when we are really just fearful of something potentially happening in our kid’s future? Are we getting snippy with our family because our fun plans changed? Are we feeling ashamed of how we handled a conversation and instead decide that our kids’ rooms are a disaster (I mean, it’s true) and become Hurricane Mean Mommy and demand everyone drop what they’re doing to FIX IT, FIX IT NOW!?

Emotions can be complicated. But they are also normal and valid and worth understanding. As we help our kids mature in their emotional intelligence (ok, and as we also mature), looking deeper at all of our feelings will help us maintain connection. With each other, and with the wonderful, creative, loving God who made us.

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Katie Kenny Phillips is a mom of 5 and a children’s author who loves helping kids (and their grownups) see God’s love for them with fresh eyes. Her books are available on Amazon including her book, Today I Feel Like a Jelly Donut, a Book About Emotions.

9 Bible Verses to Strengthen Marital Intimacy, The Bible Is The Blueprint For A Strong Marriage.

By Megan Bailey

The Bible is a great text to find inspiration for building up your marriage. God created the perfect blueprint for how a marriage can be strong, intimate and passionate in all areas, including emotionally, spiritually and physically. When you want to ignite the spark between you and your spouse, turn to the Bible for hope.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Jesus always will be your number one support system. He will be there for you through thick and thin and encourage you to become the best version of yourself. Your spouse should do the same, and you should do the same for your spouse. Your marriage should be a place where you can find reassurance, inspiration, and empowerment.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3)

God doesn’t expect your marriage to be perfect and easy to navigate. He knows that you will hit road bumps that might cause you to act out of character, fight, and forget to love each other. When you feel that you aren’t appreciating your spouse in the way that God intended, this Bible verse will help you to pause and rethink.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

While this specific Bible verse speaks about husbands loving their wives, it can be easily switched as well. Wives should love their husbands in the same way. Both parties should be willing to love their spouse unconditionally as Christ did and provide for them as Jesus provided for the church.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

We experienced the most profound love when Jesus sacrificed Himself for our sins, before we were even born. What an incredible gift we have been given! We are not perfect, and our spouse is not either. We can take the lesson of forgiveness from Christ and use it to forgive our spouses, even when they make grave mistakes. No matter what sins either of you commit, God can help you get through them.

“Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)

Do you let outside influences dictate how you run your marriage? The only one who should ever have influenced your relationship is God. He should be in the middle of your union bringing you both closer together. Anyone else is noise and you shouldn’t put much stock in their opinions. Listen to what God wants for you.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 14:4-8)

This is one of the most well-known Bible verses on love and for great reason. It shares with us how Jesus loved others – without fear or restriction – and in turn teaches us how we should love others, especially our own spouses. Marriage requires a lot of dedication, hard-work, and commitment, and at times you may not feel like you love your spouse at all.

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19)

Intimacy is most importantly about an emotional connection, but it’s about a physical connection too. God didn’t design sex to be shameful or embarrassing, but instead a beautiful way for a married couple to share their undying love for each other. It should be a celebration between a passionate couple, so communicate with your spouse your needs and desires.

“I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer.” (Song of Solomon 5:6)

Do you miss your spouse when they are not home? Do you long for them after a hard day at work? Having someone to love, care for, and laugh with is a special gift. Ask someone who is single or who has lost a loved one, and they’ll tell you how unique that bond is. We should be appreciative of the loved one we have. When we show gratitude towards them, they become a higher priority.

“The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” (1 Corinthians 7:4)

Many people use parts of the Bible out of context, and this is an example of one of those verses. This verse is telling us that both spouses in the marriage are to be of service of each other as it is an equal partnership. Both the husband and wife may have to sacrifice their own pleasure to meet the needs of the one they love, as they are joined in one through Christ.

It’s important to ignite the passion between you and your spouse, in emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy. God has a blueprint for how to do so and we can find that inspiration right in the Bible. Use these verses to grow your own marriage.